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The US has a long history of using dozens of government departments and scores of NGOs, in vast propaganda campaigns meant to subvert the patriotism of citizens of other countries, incite unrest and even revolution, and sometims to just embarrass, countries it doesn't like. This includes everything from "The Voice of America", to unrest in Tibet, and Twitter and Facebook in Iran. Most of these are financed by the CIA, but many more innocent-sounding organisations support countless others. This support comes from people like the Far-Right Koch Brothers, the Carnegie Endowment (for "democracy", of course), the Ford Foundation, and of course the NED. The NED - the National Endowment for Democracy - is arguably the worst of these, planning and financing everything from propaganda like the VOA to instigating revolutions. But all of this activity is under the umbrella of one or another NGO, whose purpose is most often diametrically opposed to its name. We have therefore created a "Foreign Propaganda Policy" for China that emulates the US high standard, and one which will undoubtedly be deeply appreciated by the Americans. Here are the specifics of our plan: Buy a national US TV channel and convert it to OPD TV - One-Party Democracy TV. Use the tag line, "Slavery Gets Stuff Done", and use the air time to show Americans how to build their own Great Wall of Texas by using illegal Mexicans, Cubans and Puerto Ricans to wall out their own people with cluster-bomb-filled adobe bricks. Cost: maybe 3 billion up front and 2 billion in annual replacement costs. But this might be so much fun the cost won't matter. Organise and fund a "Radio Free Universe", and use it to subvert American patriotism by letting people think the broadcasts are coming from Andromeda. Tom Cruise and Rush Limbaugh will buy it, and they'll sell it to the other 80% of Americans who are Right-Wing extremist whackos anyway. Use the tag line, "If you aren't with us, you're against us." Do the broadcasting from Cuba, Nicaragua, the Honduras, Grenada (to repay the US for the invasion), and Panama. Broadcast from Canada too; tell Stephen Harper that (a) it's God's will and (b) it will put more people in jail, and he'll buy it. Cost: maybe 5 billion to set up and 5 billion a year in operating costs. Ten billion, if Harper has an attack of mental clarity and doesn't fall for it. Search Texas prisons for a illegal-immigrant Mexican psycho-flake, and nominate him for the next Nobel Peace Prize. Ignore the inconvenient truth of his being a serial fruit-picker and forget all the terrible things he did to small animals, and focus instead on his fight for 'freedom and democracy'. Cost: 900 million for the international ad campaign to embarrass the US and 100 million to bribe the Nobel Prize Committee. That's much more than the US spent to get Liu Xiaobo the Peace Prize, but then China is richer than the US. Find a Chinese high-school student who can lucidly explain that Americans buy crap made in China and the Chinese buy crap made in America, because consumers like choices. Nominate him for this fake Nobel Prize in Economics, to stand beside Paul Krugman who made the identical discovery last year. Cost: 300 million for the ad campaign and 100 million to bribe the Nobel committee. Again, that's more than AIPAC and the US government had to spend on Krugman, but .... see comment above. Organise and fund a "Free Hawaii" foundation with lavish domestic and international ad campaigns, to give the US government something to do when they aren't busy sticking their noses into Tibet and Xinjiang. Cost: I'd spend at least 20 billion on this one, and well worth it, too. Organise and fund an "American Council for Sustainable Development", and use it to convince Americans to continue the rampant de-industrialisation of their country. Organise in tandem the "Post-Industrial Age Society" and use that to convince Americans that bookkeeping entries made by Goldman Sachs are the same as real production and GNP growth. Cost to increase the US spiral around the drain: maybe 5 billion each; 10 billion if you want to really increase the flow. Organise and fund a "Coalition for a Safe and Peaceful America". Round up every anti-gun proponent available and hire the Saatchi Brothers to whip them into a frenzy of peace. For TVCs and print ads, use the tag line, "All NRA members should be taken out behind the barn and shot." For billboards, use the tag line, "Only Gays own Guns." Pay each person $1,000 to participate in strident and exaggerated street demonstratations. Encourage the NRA to attend and bring their guns. Cost: probably 10 billion if you want to hire enough people to make this work, but think of the potential for violence, chaos, police brutality and peace. Then of course China can sanctimoniously condemn the US for "cracking down" on innocent citizens parading for peace. Organise and fund a "Foundation for Religious Freedom", and use it to finance a massive resurgence of the Moonies, Scientology and the Falun Gong. Get them a copy of the CIA book on extraordinary rendition and indoctrination, and encourage them to bribe politicians to enhance their tax-free status. After their arrest, mount massive ad campaigns to solemnly condemn the US government for religious intolerance and persecution. For TVCs and print ads use the tag line, "Why are priests and rabbis always trying to get into my pew?" Cost: I think 10 billion should cover most of it; maybe another 10 for legal fees. Organise and fund a "World Congress of Religious and Sexual Tolerance" and use it to create huge rifts in an already-confused American society and distract people from concentrating on the impending economic doom. Focus on, and combine, prominent minorities like the Jews, and high-profile sexual issues like gay rights. For the TVC tag line use, "If God wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor." Locate candidates who look good on TV, and fund their campaigns for a Senate seat. Cost for the program and 25 promising candidates: about 10 billion, but worth every penny. Establish and fund the "World Harmony Association" for the purpose of subverting, disrupting, and causing political chaos in the US. Fund the establishment of (cf. Italy) 325 new political parties so as to fragment the country and totally baffle everybody. Grant unlimited funds to the CNNs, the Foxes, the Becks, for sure the Limbaugh family, but grant equal funds to the opposite-spectrum flakes too. Be especially on the lookout for potential party leaders with a witchcraft or movie acting background. A Scientology or Moonie history would be helpful too. Cost: maybe 10 billion, but imagine the fun that China could have. Organise and fund a "Society for the Preservation of Two-Party Democracy", and use it to mount and fund a Supreme Court challenge so as to permit all 325 parties to field their own candidates for President. Fund a write-in campaign to obtain at least 100 million letters in favor, and don't worry; nobody will have time to verify all those signatures. If successful, it should be able to fracture the US political scenery and increase the spiral flow around the drain. Cost: maybe 20 billion, but think of the potential to turn dysfunctional into ungovernable. Organise and fund a "Hillary Clinton for President" campaign, to remove some attention from Sarah Palin. Ignore the fact that the woman has a personality like 40 miles of bad road, and focus on her having been a virgin before, and likely long after, marriage. That will draw votes from the Tea Party. Organise an additional campaign for Monica Lewinsky too; might as well make it a three-way race. Her tag line would be "If you take back the country and give it to me, I'll do things with it that you couldn't imagine in your dreams." Give Hugh Hefner the money to sponsor her. Cost: 300 million per candidate, a bit less if the virginity story proves true. But worth every penny. Organise a "Coalición Para una América Unificada" in California, Texas and Florida, and use it to agitate for (1) Latino control of the State Governments and (2) secession immediately thereafter. Attract followers on the basis that the states really belong to them anyway, having been stolen at gunpoint by John Wayne. Use the tagline, "Remember the Alamo". Cost: probably 10 billion to make this work, but you never know what will happen if you plant the seeds of independence into the fertile minds of free men. Organise and fund a "Save California Assistance Program". Use it to convince Californians that they've been cheated by the US Federal Government in not receiving the same 1.3 trillion dollars in bailouts as a few New York banks did. Americans, especially those in California, love to hear they're victims and it's all someone else's fault, so run an aggressive campaign and whip them into a frenzy. Have them vaguely threaten unspecified acts of chaos and anarchy; Republicans like that because it will give them a new war. When they're ready, fund the already-organised "Free California Coalition", then source and fund thousands of whackos to agitate for the secession of California. That will give the US government something additional to do when it isn't busy sticking its nose into Tibet and Xinjiang. Cost: I think 5 billion for each part should do it. We don't want to overspend here; we don't actually want California to secede; we just want to bankrupt it and drive out the whites so Mexico can reclaim it. |